California State University, Dominguez Hills
University of Wisconsin, Parkside
Latest update: March 15, 2000
It became clear last week that I had been deeply hurt by some prior harassment. It had nothing to do with Susan's holding up her hand in the "stop" gesture. That gesture just triggered the hurt that was out of awareness. I would apologize for inappropriate and overly sensitive response, except that I don't want to teach you to apologize for feelings and transference behavior when it leads to acting out. As Pepinsky taught me in his PeaceMaking Primer honesty in feelings is a prerequisite to allowing the affect out so that we can begin to approach the issues. If we ignore the affect, it comes out anyway, in inappropriate ways, as it did for me in class last week. That's what's wrong with denial.
As a result of that display of affect, I realized how hurt I was, and I have taken steps to deal with that hurt. I wouldn't even have known the hurt was that strong, had I not had that reaction. Pat was right. I was in strong denial.
But, Susan, that is typical of those who have been oppressed. To have been hurt is to have stored such memories. The reaction was transference in acting out behavior. (Lear, Open-Minded) I'm sorry that the exchange took place around you. But I am grateful that it was you, for you were strong enough to let it go. Thank you for that. And thank you for your gracious apology, especially since you didn't do anything. That apology shows an offer to make peace, allowing the one who needed it most at that point to have whatever was needed to restore balance. Very generous.
love and peace, jeanne